Some people think my lightness is equated to my intelligence (old habits die hard) while others think my lightness is too far from my blackness. My skin seems to be representing some sort of glitch that occurred somewhere down the line. The only thing that should really matter is what I think. Well here I am occupying what seems like a very big grey area, not fully taking up one space. To deal with my confusion, embarrassment and pride I decided to write. I figured if I lay it out I won’t have to lay somebody out. I wrote this a while back, but it has been a part of my experiences since I was smart enough to understand what my family’s words meant.

Before you read it I want you to know that I’ve always been nervous about sharing this, but I’m 24 now and I’ve gained some knowledge since my earlier days. So I figure I don’t have much to lose, other than my guard. So I’m letting it down and allowing you in. Hope you enjoy it::

They point out that I’m light

But inside they mean white

Never enough melanin

I swear my parents are black

That’s what I keep tellin’ ‘em

So who did you get our eyes from?

‘Cause real blacks don’t have them

Have me caught in between rejection and bewilderment

I meant what are you mixed with?

Like you changing the words really makes a difference

From a little girl to a young lady

I’ve been black along the way

But still they wanna say

So which one of your ancestors gave into your master that day

‘Cause girl you know your hair ain’t blactually that way

So I express my plight

In hopes of generating insight

While they were tryna show me the actual facts

As if I should erase the perm and bring my natural back

That’s my word.

Peace.

Poetry