I was a little skeptical that this format wouldn’t work since it’s one huge paragraph (on Facebook) ,which might make it hard to follow. I was told that before so I decided to break it up. Hopefully I haven’t lost the energy I had when it was written. But then I figured if the point wasn’t caught the first time people could re-read anything they missed.

This is just a run on with no breaks no stopping so just come on
I had so many thoughts today, but I just had to write this one down
So for now read the words and realize that it’s never-ending like the story
Now really what’s the story
Behind all the secrecies false impressions and indecencies
Please believe
I really had to do it like this so you could be anticipating like Christmas eve
I knew the evil we’ve created would one day degrade the
Good intentions of those passed to make us insensitive
We rarely speak in full sentences
Half-ass telling the story that’s why we’re living under false pretences
Who knows what really is
The reason men cheat and women try to mend his shit
Possibly the conversations not had are really what diminishes
Any chance of one day us all living peacefully
But we have to take a risk like were playing in traffic
And see if we can dodge the car before our heart gets smashed in

Out on a limb ain’t so bad if we know how to fly
That’s what truly happens when you open your mind, so don’t ask why
Just do and know that your actions affect another
My brother when’s the last time you laid on top of the covers
Asked her what she’s thinking
Really listened to discover
The way she made your food reflected how well you treated her
She skipped out on the gravy because lately you’ve been acting like you’re through needing her
What’s eating her?
What’s eating you?
You’re both starving and your hearts are no longer beating to
The rhythm of the passion that resides in your eyes
I’m not surprised
That the love could fizzle out
Walking around acting like it’s the other one who wants out
I highly doubt
That she’ll really ride this one out
No more fresh bread on Sundays ’cause the flours out
Should’ve listened like you’d never hear again
Should’ve untwisted that crooked line
Made her feel like without her you could never breath again
But even then
She welcomed your absence when she too lost interest
And she adored your lies
Gave her opportunity to find out who the new mail man is
Where he came from didn’t matter ’cause he listened real well
So he got fresh bacon on the days when you were somewhere else
It’s funny how life could take a new direction
Start a new story
Expose new reflections
After all this, what is the lesson?
If you’ve got a good woman when you look into her eyes
Mean what you say
And at the end of the day the bread won’t be the only thing to rise.

Sexual or mental, it could go either way, just depends on where you’re head is at the time you read this.

That’s my word.
Peace.

Poetry

I’m at work thinking about how I never posted this and wondering why I didn’t. I guess it’s because it wasn’t finished to my liking and I never like to post anything that I don’t feel 100 about. But I reconsidered and figured you guys will let me know if I need to go back and revise my words. Plus vulnerability is at the heart of writing so I’ll take the plunge today.

Like some of you these are not my experiences, but I’ve definitely seen parts of it from the women around me. People always tell you that there are two sides to every story. Some had to learn the hard way that there are three.

Mine. His. And hers.

MINE:

The picture was so so perfect
The way you made me feel
Like you deserved it
My love, yes boy, you had earned it
Woke up with a smile
‘Cause you had put me to sleep so many times
I was your worship
Yes, it was perfect
Bragging to my girls about the man you had become
So proud to say he’s mine
Nobody had him once
‘Cause I had him all the time
Loving cloud nine and how it blinded my vision
When your phone rang private and you said wrong number
Damn right I believed it
I don’t know when it switched and the fog broke up
I guess when I heard you on the phone
Saying baby don’t go, I just want your love
I denied it at first
Then I blamed myself
I wanted to blame her
But now I know it was you and no one else
Surprisingly I didn’t freak out
When I called back her number
I didn’t even drop the phone
When she answered, “baby are you coming back over?”
I must admit my heart sank when she thought I was you
I paused for two seconds
Then proceeded to get to know her

HERS:

I can hear her voice anxiously telling you baby come home
She’s on the phone and she’s crying because it’s you that she owns
And the worst part of it all
Is that you were mine for tonight
But I just thought you might
Get to be mine more than twice
And I know I shouldn’t have let you slip deep into my love
But one smile is all it took
Your scent was all I was thinking of
Now comes the part where I get to feel her pain
Because you’re about to wake me out my sleep and tell me you have to leave this place again
You’ve become my temporary mistake
But I wish that you would stay
‘Cause I’d rather hold you for a moment
And be wrong together
Than let go of you for good and be right forever
However
It’s been your pleasure
Not my pain that got the best of me
Even though the rest of me hesitated
Damn
I guess it’s best you leave
I shouldn’t have touched you in a way that would get me addicted
I should have listened and backed away when you said I was just your mistress
Instead I begged you to stay
While knowing what I was risking
You’re my temporary mistake
With your love I get lifted

I’m still working on HIS…sorry.

Peace.

Poetry

As I sit here watching back to back episodes of Seinfeld I’m wondering what people are thinking about the special CNN just aired a little over an hour ago. The one called Black in America: Black Men. I tried to text a bunch of people to watch in hopes that we could engage in a discussion afterwards. Those who really know me know I love debates and discussions. And yes I’m very aware it was only about Americans and I understand that Canadians have different experiences, which aren’t less valid, but the similarities is what I wanted people to see, if any were even made.

I didn’t even really like the idea of CNN thinking they could capture “real live black Americans” frolicking in the many US neighbourhoods. I mean who would of thought we would get to see any up close. The idea seemed a little erie and slightly patronizing.

So I watched it and while there were good points I didn’t feel like CNN had dug deep enough. I wanted real conversation, no fluff. Tell me what’s really good. Have a conversation not completely directed by the anchor. I was hoping that these ‘real’ black people would talk to each other and we would get to see this dialogue take place when it might not without cameras and lights in their faces. I was let down. I was hopeful because CNN plays such enticing music while the title of the show is flashing across the screen. Maybe I’m expecting too much from a news channel that claims to be the most trusted in the business. I was probably caught up in the clear attempt of CNN to appear as if they really care about black people (or any other minority) while combating the picketing Nas and other concerned citizens are having.

I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Poor move on my part.

That’s my take. Lemme know what you think.
Peace.

Everything & Anything

I prefer the man of my reality instead of the man of my dreams. There’s something in Mr. Reality’s faults and imperfections that makes him relevant to me. I can see his mishaps and triumphs in an appreciative light because I know he put in work to experience the good and the bad.

The man of my reality is far better than the man of my dreams and no, I’m not settling. What I am settling into are his imperfections, his stumbles and his mistakes.

Sounds weird, I know, but that’s reality. The man you love will get hit with life and fall hard, but his getting up is sexier than anything else and this I can appreciate. I dare not try to change him because his imbalances have me chemically imbalanced and so completely intoxicated that a 12 Step program would do no good…unless run by R. Kelly

The man of my reality is so close to my reach that I can say with confidence; dreams do come true.

Know why?

Because the man of my reality is the man of my dreams.

That’s my word.
Peace.

Everything & Anything

What she could see:

Young black male wearing a fitted black New Era hat, black doo rag, braided hair, dark shades, black t-shirt, shiny watch, and driving a car with chrome rims.

What she couldn’t see:

Mature black man with a diploma from Ryerson as an IT graduate, a BA in Teaching from Windsor U, which led to becoming an amazing elementary school teacher with a passion for children as a devoted father figure, basketball coach, track coach, baseball coach, loved son, grandson, and nephew, well liked in the community, hard ass worker full of integrity, pride and honesty…and impeccable credit to add.

What she assumed:

He was known to the police, the car wasn’t his and everything he had was gained illegally.

What she found:

That she was greatly mistaken.

The officer felt she needed to calm down a potentially hostile black man so in her most reassuring voice she said, “Before you start to complain you didn’t do anything wrong, I just need to verify who you are“. All I can say is HE HAS 99 PROBLEMS BUT A FEMALE AIN’T ONE.

Peace.

Everything & Anything

Call me bitter, well don’t call me bitter, call me something else, but I swear every time I log into Facebook someone else is off to some glorious Caribbean spot for the next 7 days. Instantly I want to respond with a “I hope you swallow some salt water”, but instead I opt-out for an, “ohh that’s so nice! Have fun in the sun! TTYL!!”, with extra happy faces. Secretly I’m loathing that person and wishing I were on THAT plane going to THAT all-inclusive spot. Like geeze, can’t I be whisked away by Sunwing for 7 days?? I’m pretty sure I deserve it. I’m actually very positive I deserve it.

SIDE NOTE: Not at all the point of this, but you can’t be ‘very’ positive since there aren’t any degrees of positivity. Either you’re positive or you’re not, but for expressions sake I chose to insert how sure I am of myself. Back to my rant.

It seems like the whole world is on a vacation when I’m “stuck” in Brampton commuting to York University everyday to finish a PKIN that is less than desirable, but still very necessary for me to be a part of October convocation! (EXHALE). I’m not envious. Really I’m not. Possibly a tad, just a tadddd jealous. So I’m sitting here on my backyard patio (yea I’m rubbing it in like isopropyl) thinking about it. Surprisingly the more I think about it the better I feel. Want to know why? Well since you so eagerly asked, it’s because I’ve convinced myself that once the hard work has subsided (it’s never really over) I’ll get to celebrate all the things grand in my life. August will bring a much needed vacation spot that you’re not invited to, as well as my birthday sworay that is sure to make YOU envious. In the hopes of not sounding too pretentious I’ll stop here.

Lesson to be learned: I’m the sh*t where ever I go so if it’s not posted up beside you and that cute dolphin then it’ll be somewhere else. The street lights will turn on for me and the trees will rustle a slight breeze to cool me from the heat so ha!

The end.

Everything & Anything

I probably shouldn’t be admitting this because I understand that a ‘D’ is barely a passing grade, but eff it! Throw some Ds on my transcript!!

I am so high right now not even the clouds can see me. Since April I’ve been living with this gawd awful feeling because of a failing grade I received in my Bio Mechanics class. For three months I’ve been silently fearing school and even more; graduation. I was certain I wouldn’t be able to graduate in October, which was the plan all year! With procrastination on my right side and defeat on my left I drudged through the first summer semester with one thought on my mind: How the hell am I going to graduate this year?! The possibility appeared far fetched. I looked for other ways to graduate, or even come back another year and switch majors so it wouldn’t seem like a total loss. Just when I thought I had become a Kinesiology drop out with a strong sense of becoming an Urban Studies major for the 08/09 season I spoke to a magnificent friend of mine. Fat shouts to Jonelle Ward; one of the mot resilient ladies I know. She put me on to a lady in administration who convinced me to approach my biomech prof about my less than average grade. She figured I was only three credits away from the almighty piece of paper so it was worth a shot. A couple emails, two finished labs, and two weeks later I received my D!! Today is that day!! Just cap n gown me right now ’cause I’m as good as graduated!! I text messaged close friends and shared the joy with co-workers. I’m still smiling. I’ve never been so happy to receive a D in my life.

I would like to thank Dr. Gage, Karen Tait, Jonelle Ward, and Danica Jones for helping me complete the task! It may be a D, but it’s mine! I also want to give future thanks to all my people who will be celebrating my near completion this weekend. Watch out now, it’s my mutha-f*uck-KINE time!!!

P.S.: Look out for my bdayslashgraduation sworay at the end of August. Big shit poppin’. LMAO.

Peace.

Everything & Anything

For those of you that want an update on what I have going on right now here it is. As I’ve mentioned before I’ve had the luxury of meeting a fantastico lady by the name of Shannon Boodram. Close followers know who I’m talking about, if you don’t know then get familiar. She’s helping me to bridge the gap so I can ‘appear’ in a magazine near you. Yes I said it. It’s a work in progress and nothing is guaranteed yet, but I’m ready for the workload ahead.

I don’t want to give it all away now because the process is still in its infancy but I had to come and tell you all because the excitement is fueling me. When I have more of the picture I’ll be sure to fill you in ’cause I realize that this is quite vague.

My passion for writing has been producing flames as of late even though the gas was always there. Here’s a little snippet of why I write.

I write between classes hopefully to address the masses.
I write because I have to.
I write because when my heart overflows the emotions need somewhere to go.
I write because you don’t.
I write because life without words is like flight without birds.
I write to make sense out of confusion and to confuse makes sense.
I write to express what might come out wrong verbally.
I write confidently, while still locked in second guessing.
I write to avoid life.
I write to avoid speaking.
I write to s t a y c a l m.
I write to slow down the minutes passing by.
I write till my pen bursts, exploding great rhythms about times passed and loves had.
But most of all, I write for free[dom].

That’s my word.
Peace.

Everything & Anything