When the world pushes you into a corner, you don’t wonder about how bad it will hurt, you push back. I’ve been learning that. Through every failed test, and ball dropped. Through every dumbass comment someone has made towards me. I’m learning. Sometimes surrendering feels like the easiest way out, but as reality would prove giving in is a great way to short change yourself. I’ve had the great pleasure of meeting and keeping in touch with a couple of people who have motivated my strength to flourish. One in particular, who I will continue to leave unnamed and only sprinkle into my writing every now and then. There are others, whom I won’t name for now mainly because this is not the point. But what I’m trying to say it I’ve been afraid to fail for a long time and most times I just fantasized rather than trying. Now I’m feeling like the worst thing that can happen is that nothing happens at all.

Bottom line: I have to follow my fear to see how far I can go.

Some people bungee jump, others rock climb. I choose to write. To me that’s scary and dangerous enough. Physical challenges aren’t as daunting to me as emotional ones.

This piece I wrote years ago and never dared to show even my best friend what I wrote. Things change, and I’m happy about that.

When Pop dies I will cry
because I knew him that well
Wish he didn’t slip and fall
right into that crack hell
Promised to stay strong and keep us on the path
But he’s weak now
Couldn’t handle the pressure
I hate having to look back
Makes me sad to see what he once was
My father, my dad
I loved him just because
He made it fun, we had our laughs
Those times I’ll never forget
The many times I begged my mom, “please don’t pick us up just yet”
He wasn’t always the greatest
but for the most part, he had my back
To see what happened when he fell apart
tore my heart in two
I wished he said no, held his head
and not let the streets run through
My brother got the worst of it
baseball was their life
Now the bases are empty, he just got his last strike
And I’m left in the stands wondering where the hell he went
Fuck. He’s trapped in a pipe
Will he get out of it?
I cry as I write because it just wasn’t fair
You smoked that shit, got hooked and didn’t care
What did you think bringing them hoes into our place?!
It wasn’t cool, but you’re lifted now
I can see it in your face.

I’ve seen you out there in the street
Maybe a time or two
Would you even recognize me if I walked right up to you?
But I kept on going
Turned my had in fear
You don’t even know how close you were to seeing my tears
Now I block it out and let it sit in a place I rarely go
But just for tonight I eased the door to let my mind flow
Will I ever forgive you?
That, I don’t know
I’m still hurt by how easily you could say goodbye to our home.

Peace.

Poetry