I had an all but suicidal evening today. Ok, so I’m over-exaggerating. In the grand scheme of things the mishaps of today were like a -1000 on a scale of 1-10 what with all the catastrophes of child hunger, AIDS, global warming, Paris Hilton having her own show and physical abuse going on around the world. But this evening just kept getting better and better (please note my sarcasm). 

Check it…

It all started around 2:30  p.m. when my coworker Jorge (pronounced “whore-hay”, not George) and I decided to venture out to Chipotle on Yonge and Dundas for a tasty burrito. We were all excited to go because it was a break from the office and downtown Toronto at Christmas always looks nice. On that note we took a longer route. Instead of going straight to the burrito joint we decided to puruuues (sp?) through Eaton Centre first. Since I live in Brampton I rarely go there so I agreed to the slight detour. And then “ah ha”, I remembered. I wanted a dress from BEBE for a party tomorrow night and I realized that instead of going to Yorkdale Mall, where I had originally seen it, I could find it in Eaton Centre. Alas things were getting better already (no sarcasm).

So we venture into the store and I scope out the scene instantly. I can smell the dress. I know exactly where it is even though I didn’t try it on in that location originally. “YES!” They have my size. Great. I spotted another one in a different style that looked cute so I swiped that one too and skipped off to the change room to try them on. No one was there to greet me but I was so happy I didn’t mind serving myself. Unfortunately the unfamiliar one ended up not fitting right in the waist. It was way too baggy causing me to look preggers. I suppose if I was preggers it would have been flattering. Ahhh but there was the other dress, waiting for me to fill it up. So I put it on and it fit better than I remembered! Jorge thought it was gorg and suited me quite nicely. The dress was mine! All I had to do was swipe the debit and we’d be off to our burrito destination. I asked the fitting lady (just to be sure) if it was still a part of the 50% discount and she slapped me with the news like she had been waiting to do that all day.

She said “No.” Not in a mean way but in a curt, short, too bad for you way. So of course I thought I heard wrong and demanded clarification. I told her that the dresses at Yorkdale were half off and she said, “No. They can’t be. We’re all the same.” Again she must have been speaking another language because I wanted more clarification. I asked her if the dress was ever on sale and she said, “Yea they were, but that was like three days ago. They change the prices all the time.”

In my head I thought…

They? They? THEY?! Who the eff are THEY and why aren’t THEY here to change the price back?! MY dream was crushed. I cursed myself for not buying the dress at the discounted price when I had the chance. I never wait. I usually just buy it then and there but this time I decided to be “rational” and wait incase I found something better. What a crock. Now I couldn’t buy it because the regular price was out of my reach. I mean I could have reaaached to meet that price but the dress just wasn’t grand enough to go there. It was really nice but it wasn’t that deep.

I walked out behind Jorge pouting. My dress was no more. I tried to look at the up side by dragging Jorge into other stores but every dress I tried on Jorge just looked at me with that “uh unhh girl. That dress is not hot” look. (Jorge seriously hates retail). So I slinked out the mall cursing the sales rep for not honouring the discount I let go of days ago and cursing myself for not doing what I usually do. 

I tried to distract myself with my growing hunger. So we went on over to Chipotle and got in the nonexistent line. Jorge had two orders to fill and I only had my own. While in line I was on my bbm chatting to friends (Rush and Dee) about my misfortune. They both could feel my pain especially since they already had their dresses to the event. When we got to the cashier she told us the price for the food while saying she didn’t have debit. NO DEBIT?? It’s 2008 ’bout to be 2009 and there’s no debit in the store! Next thing they’re gunna say they brought the ingredients in on horse back. We asked her where the nearest bank machine was. “There’s one just past the HMV a few doors down” she said. Thanks.

We walked out onto the street while she held our burritos hostage and Jorge says out loud ”oh no she is not talking about this shady outside ATM.” Great. An ATM that was going to charge us $5 to take out 20$ and then we would probably get a call later from our bank saying our accounts had been drained because we used a suspicious ATM machine. Just what I needed. Facck. What could we do? We decided to suck it up and both took our 20s back to the food joint.

So while we’re trying to claim our burritos we realize there’s a mix up with our order. One has a “V” on the foil wrapping, which stands for veggie and one has a “C” that looks like a P (but they insist it’s a C) on it, which nonetheless should stand for chicken. No one seems to know which orders are ours. I didn’t order veggie and neither did Jorge. How that veggie one got there was not our problem but the fact that it was there started to get on my nerves. In response to the conundrum the cashier asks us (more like implies) “you weren’t looking?”

Like fuck you for nothing. I WAS looking. We were both looking. No one knows what happened during the trip to the ATM and she wants to ask us if we were looking. No miss. I ordered with my back to you hoping that if I didn’t look at each topping going in my burrito that you wouldn’t gip me. It was a burrito accuracy test. Cause you know, I do it allll the time. She sensed my anger and offered to buy me a new burrito. Well thank YOU. So I get another burrito, free of charge and me and Jorge bounced. 

…hours go by…

I decide to go back to Yorkdale Mall after work because when I got back to the office I called the BEBE at Yorkdale and asked the sales rep about the discount and she told me most of the dresses were on sale still. Especially the really nice ones. I told her about the incident at Eaton Centre and she was excited to invite me to her store. I started to feel better. So I raced over there and went straight to BEBE. Once inside I grabbed the dress (in my size still!) and went to the cashier to ask about the discount. She gave me the dark news. The dress wasn’t on sale. My heart sank lower than before. This time I didn’t need clarification. I had heard right. It was all over. The dress was gone, again. I called a good friend and she tried her best to console me. With a little bit of restored energy I went into some other stores. Nothing fit. Some were already ripped. Others were crazy expensive. So I left. I figured I could race up to Square One and search in another store called Bedo. I had to keep trying.

…it was now 9:00 p.m….

I made it to Square One at 9:20 and got into the store at 9:25 with the mall about to close in 5 minutes. Geeze I was cutting it close. I rummaged through the racks at Bedo and grabbed one that looked decent. Once it was on it wasn’t half bad. I mean I didn’t smile ear to ear but I felt like it was a “go.” As any girl would I called my good friend back and told her the scenario, she of course said, “Buy it. What else are you gunna wear?”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes get it,” she urged.

(NOTE: she had never even seen the dress before but being a good friend she understood my description)

So I decided to get it. I’m standing at the cash about to be rung in and I see a dress on the mannequin that is more my taste. The cashier (and manager) gets the new dress for me and allows me to try it on. I figured why not, it can’t get any worse. Ha! It did. The clasp that holds the dress up at the top of the zipper was broken off. I needed both sides of the clasp for it to work! Thankfully she is an understanding woman and took $10 off the price insisting that if it cost more than $10 to get it fixed she would pay me back for it. I was happy. Finally. This dress was $40 less than my true love so that was an upside!

…25 minutes go by and I arrived home for the evening…

I bought a red lipstick from M.A.C. the other day and I wanted to put it on again so I could smile for the evening. I’ve always wanted to try red but I was always so afraid it would be too much. So when I took the plunge and bought it the other day I was excited. I had to try it on again tonight. I went to get the plastic bag still on my floor and opened the package. I didn’t think my heart could sink any lower, but it did. 

It was the wrong colour. The sales rep in M.A.C. sold me the wrong colour. Three days ago. The wrong colour. I tried on a bright red and she sold me a light pink. A light pink. How could she confuse the two?! I stood there staring at the bag hoping for a miracle. Hoping that every time I opened the package again the colour would change. Hoping that this foreign lipstick was part of a 2 for 1 deal she surprised me with and that my choice of lipstick was rolling around on the ground somewhere. My lipstick wasn’t on the floor. My red lipstick was still in the store which means tomorrow I have to go back outside in the snow storm that’s about to hit and exchange the wrong lipstick for the right one. I thought coming home would be the end of it all. My mom was sowing the clasp back on and I was chilling with a glass of wine. But nooooooo I have to go back out tomorrow to finish the unfinished. Frig.

While I realize my problem is minute in the equation of other worldly issues I still can’t help but feel like doodoo.

So that was my evening. In a nutshell. Now I sit here typing, eating Lay’s wavy chips and sipping a glass of red wine. Yay.

I’ll catch up with yall later.

Peace.

Everything & Anything