So my sister
Mica - pronounced Mee-sha
is the bomb with her cam and now that she has a brand new Nikon she’s going to be even better. Peep the pics below. These were just in the kitchen of our house and pretty much a warm up to bigger and better things. Look out for our photostory collab. Yessir, that’s what I said.
This one is not as literal as it sounds. I swear. But if you want it to be as literal as it sounds then go ahead. Take it there.
–
Looking at my pretty pink lips
While you discreetly unzip
The pathway to God’s creation
Focusing on the “O” in my words
That’s making you conflict
While the time shifts
And your heart skips
And falls into abyss
Where me and you could never exist
I resist
And you
Pull out
From this.
–
Thank you. (find) Peace.
A short story of a narrow minded observation.
As he was bending to lay out the postcards he wanted I could see into his soul through the ripped soles in his shoes. He lived a hard life, one that wasn’t flourishing with the opportunity to buy new shoes whenever he felt a draft. An old school postcard man. The kind that probably never stopped writing letters by hand and maybe only upgraded to a typewriter last year. Disheveled hair and unshaven grizzly face, soiled dark blue bomber jacket with matted fur around the collar. He couldn’t seem to put the postcards back properly on the stand. Every time he tried they came falling down around him. Like his life, he just couldn’t get it right. But like life, he kept trying until he got it right, no matter how long it took.
That’s my word.
Peace.
I had to turn the lights low for this one. I know it’s bad for my eyes but it’s great for my pen. This was actually written over a year ago. Relevance is timeless.
–
Stranger in the Room
by Me
The first time I said yes was when you walked into the room
You didn’t know it yet but I wanted you to consume
All the pleasures that my soul was eagerly waiting to offer
My life’s work kept in one place
A heart freed
I was burning up inside
Hoping no one else would discover
The second time I said yes
Was when you finally noticed me
I wanted to scream it loud and clear
“Come and talk to me!”
You often glanced my way
Heart pumping louder and louder
Maybe you could hear
My life’s symphony played in one hour
Just for a moment a smile crossed my eyes
Could it be seen?
My energy to comply
with his
amidst
all the people passing by
and right now I
do
too
feel high.
That’s my word.
Peace.
What would happen if I woke up one morning and you were no longer there?
I would race to the window and find the sun was gone and the clouds had taken over.
What would happen if I called you one afternoon and you never got to call me back?
I would drive to the beach and find the water had dried up and the ocean floor was bare.
What would happen if I screamed out your name and you never answered again?
I would wait for night to fall and see the stars had all suddenly disappeared.
What would happen if I reached out to touch you and all I felt was the breeze through my fingers?
I would softly bow my head, fall back and feel that gravity could catch me.
Everything that was right in the world would all be so wrong.
What used to be up would now be down.
This is how I’d feel about a love that would be gone.
What would happen if I didn’t live in our moments as if they were our last and I woke up one morning just to learn that you had passed?
Well then I would learn that my time wasn’t properly spent and being with you was taken for granted.
If I knew there’d be a day I didn’t get to say all I felt
then I would have talked forever and even kissed you better.
I would have hugged you longer
I would have listened better
and loved you stronger.
And this poem would never have been said.
That’s my word.
Peace.
Sam: “Hey Fred, how do you like this?”
Fred: “Oh yea, that’s something.”
S: “Well, at least it ain’t nothing.”
F: “Yea that’s true. It sure is something.”
S: “Well whaddaya mean, ‘something’?”
F: “Ahh it’s nothing.”
S: “Nothing? How can it be nothing when you just said it’s something?”
F: “It’s nothing.”
S: “What do you mean?”
F: “Well…it’s nothing big.”
S: “Nothing big? So then what is it?”
F: “Don’t worry. It’s small.”
S: “Small? Like how small?”
F: “It’s small. Like nothing big.”
S: “How small? Small small?”
F: “There’s no such thing as small small, there’s just small and that’s what it is.”
S: “But how small is it?”
F: “I dunno. It’s small. I don’t know nothing about measurements of ‘small’ and what the inventor of ‘small’ had in mind but I know it’s small.”
S: “Great. First is was something, then it ain’t nothing, then it was nothing big and now it’s small but you don’t know how small.”
F: “Yep.”
S: “Really?”
F: “Yep. It’s something.”
The end.
The relationship I have with my a friend of mine is not dyfunctional because that would imply one exists. Its more like I ignore him until he comes around and when he does I fight myself to just tolerate him. I just try to keep myself from snapping on him and telling him to fuck off, go back to the lying factory and get his soul back. I suspect everything he does and I believe nothing he tells me. He acts like he has all the answers and if you didn’t know him you would really think he did. As sure as I am that pee turns snow yellow I can say that he spews lies like a salivating baby. Uncontrollable.
–
Part way through a typical conversation…
…so I asked him, “When was the last time-”
He cut me off before I could finish because he was so uberly confident that he knew my question already. In an over confident tone he said, “A couple days ago. I had an all-nighter shift. These people should be grateful that I’m working there. Damn grateful. You know I’m close to becoming a manager now? Watch, you’ll see. They can’t hold a black man down. I’ll change the whole company. I have credentials. I’ve trained the new guys coming in too. I trained them all. I know my shit. Next week I’m sitting down with the managers of the new area and they’re going to offer me a manager position there. I don’t see why not. I’ll be making more money than I am now.”
“But the last time you said-”
“No no no. I’m still gunna go to school. I wanna be an architect. I love the way a building looks. I wanna build a whole block and move all my family and friends in it. I’ll have a new name created for the street. It’ll be called, ‘My Street’.”
“Wasn’t your dream to be-”
“Yea! I’m gunna do that too. Watch. I’ll be the best dog breeder ever. I’ll have thoroughbreds and mixed breeds. I’m great with dogs. You know my girlfriend’s family owns a dog kennel? They have hundreds of dogs! Yea I’m gunna make money like they do. Then I’m gunna buy a house downtown somewhere. You know those old style ones? One of those. I’ll buy one there and completely renovate it myself because I still have my forklift license. I could probably get a contractor’s license too though. Then I can do renovations on everyone’s house.”
“That’s cool. Can I borrow twenty bucks?’
“I’d give you fifty bucks if I could but I don’t have any money right now. Remember I’m not working?”
“Didn’t you just say-”
“I’m handing out resumes. The market is slow for a bartender but I’ll find something soon. Can I borrow ten bucks? I’ll pay you back with my next pay check. I swear.”
–
He was so good at making up lies and fantasies and just as equally horrible at telling the truth. In his world the truth never existed no matter what you asked him. His lie was the first answer prepared regardless of the question. He would say anything to avoid being quesitoned further. It’s like lying was easier than telling the truth even thoguh everyone – but him - knows that liars have no memory. One lie just builds on another like an onion and once pulled apart someone is bound to start crying.
I knew all too well that anything he said from the moment he started to the moment he finished was a fictitious fabrication of a life he’d like to have, even if it was for a week or so. Which is usually how long his “dreams” lasted. One week he wanted to be a pilot, the next he wanted to be a butcher, the next he wanted to direct movies. I’m not saying one shouldn’t dream because everyone should. Yet, the difference in dreaming and having a dream is that one is lived out while you’re awake. He’s been sleeping since inside the womb.
smh.
(find) Peace. Please.
I sat on the top level on the GO train today. I sat there because I felt like feeling like I was on top of the world. I have so much work to do when I get to work that I’ll eventually feel like I’m at the bottom trying to write my way out. So for the 20 minute ride I needed to feel like I was above it all. The sun’s rays are stronger the closer you are to them so you can say that at that level I was able to recharge my battery for the day ahead.
–
I’ve been MIA for a bit (without the hit album) mostly because I’ve been keeping my writing to myself. How selfish of me. Some things are not ready to be outed, but I’ll continue posting today so hang in there with me and we’ll get this worked out.
Peace.