I’m judging you. And you’re judge me.
No matter how much we say we won’t, it happens any way.
I judge the way you treat me and the way you act around others.
I judge the way you treat yourself.
I do it without trying.
You can see it when I say, “you’re so thoughtful.”
I can see it when you tell me I’m so smart.
See.
We’re judging.
Without intending too.
It’s funny how we tell each other not to judge others because we have no “right” to. Yet all of our relationships, the ones we keep and the ones we let go of, came from a judgement call. We decidedif someone was right or wrong for our lives based on what we saw and heard from that person. Possibly even from what we were told by other people. We use this line so easily as if it’s so simple not to do. As if we can look at a situation between two people in an unbiased way. As if we can listen to a conversation and not take sides. Every time we say, “fuck that bitch” or “damn that asshole” we’re making an opinion about that person. We can’t get away from it. As much as we try.
I guess I could say the only time it makes any sense is when we rush to form an opinion about someone or something without fully knowing everything. But can we ever know everything? We just know what we’re told and shown and even then it’s not always black and white.
So what now? Nothing. I’ll go back to my high horse that I sit on.
And you’ll go back to your throne.
There we’ll both sit and cast stones.
I’ve been thinking about you lately.
I’ve been thinking about what role you’ve played in my life.
And I’m thinking you don’t even exist.
Not because I feel like I’ve been slighted by you, but because your presence doesn’t seem tangible. Or reliable.
I don’t believe you’re out there.
I don’t believe you’ve helped me get anything done.
Which is fine because I would rather not ask for your help anyway.
I don’t believe you made me meet the right people or avoid the wrong ones.
I don’t believe you’re as strong as people say you are.
You’re just so inconsistent and finnicky.
If I believe in you what control do I have?
What does that say about my ability to make a decision?
You’re a cop out. A safety net. A footnote at best.
You take all of the praise and none of the blame.
I don’t like you, wherever you are.
I hope you take this personally.
You can tell your friends Destiny and Luck I feel the same about them.
I miss watching you play. Not just because of the stats you put up but because of the relentless heart you exhibit. You are the definition of the phrase, “go hard or go home.” I admire your love for the game and willingness to sacrifice your body in order to get things done. Despite what other people think about your resistence to put in the extra work you’re my favourite player of all time and it still baffles me how your career has even gotten to this point.
I believe in you.
I believe in what you’ve done for the game. I don’t understand how a lot of people can act like this sort of outcome was inevitable. Like somehow you single-handledly created the situation you’re in and doomed yourself to choose between sixth man or playing in the Euro-league. It doesn’t make any sense. You’re ALLEN IVERSON. One of the greatest NBA players to ever grace the game. You have left your mark in ways most players can only dream of doing. Head bands, tattoos, braids, elbow sleeves – those were all things you made cool and looking around the NBA now no one can deny some part of you is on the court every day. I know you’ve made some decisions in your career that have tainted the minds of many and on the flip side many people have made some decisions about you that have added fuel to that fire. And let’s face it, you came into the game with a strike against you whether it was warranted or not and yet I still don’t understand why some people are jaded about your relevance to basketball.
I want you to come back to the NBA.
I don’t know what it will take. I don’t know whose keeping you out, if that’s the case. I don’t even know if you want to come back at this point. The fact that low level teams won’t even bat an eye in your direction is ridiculous and unfortunately a very misguided stance on their part. I know it’s because they’ve listened to the trash talking, and believe it to be true. Some people think I’m crazy for still thinking you’re a great player. They think that since the NBA has moved on I should too and that everything that has happened to your career is completely a result of your “bad” behaviour. I’m not stupid and I’ve followed enough of what has happened in your career to see what you’ve done and what has been done to you. I get it and I never once act like you’re faultless in all of this. We all have some responsibility to the direction our lives go in.
Bottom line: This cannot be the way it all ends for you. There has to be a better ending. You are more than this. I believe you are more than this. I never looked at you as a quitter so my biases towards you won’t allow me to say that’s what you’re doing. I truly hope that’s not what you’re doing. Please come backand turn all of this around, we miss you.
I wonder what it will be like
The first time it comes close to my lips
Will I grab the challenge firmly?
Or start softly like a kiss
Will I shy away timidly?
Scared to really blow it
And if I freeze on the spot in anticipation
I’m hoping my hidden talent will take over
Will the one I love support me?
As he yearns to see me breath
Will I dare to stare in his eyes?
While his heart slowly picks up speed
And if my hair falls in my face
Is that part of the experience
Will my stomach feel slightly queasy?
From how strong it’s resonating from my pace
Will I move into the light confidently?
With crazy thoughts racing through my head
It’s getting harder and harder, I can feel it
The shiny top of that black head
This is a lot of pressure you know
You can never prepare enough
Just drink a lot of water
So your mouth doesn’t get dry or rough
My girls all told me to just do it
Once you start you won’t quit
Even though they swear they’re never done it before
They saw it on TV quite a bit
So I shouldn’t be so shy
‘Cause I’ll eventually get it right
When he gazes at you intently
You will know the ending is in sight
Just like that it’ll be over
Especially on your first time
Everyone will be surprised you took it there
Something like a standing ovation in the sunrise
Now think about my words
And the images I just painted
Can you picture what I expressed to you?
I hope I didn’t make the moment tainted
I would encourage you all to go home tonight
And think about how I just made history
I can imagine what you thought I meant
But I was just talking about my first time
Grabbing the mic and reciting my poetry
I was watching America Idol last night which I haven’t watched for a few years because I was over the whole talent show type shows. Somehow I managed to watch a few of the first episodes of this season. I’m pretty sure it’s because of my mom since she takes over the TV when it comes on.
One of the contestants, Casey Abrams, sang Joe Cocker’s classic “With A Little Help From My Friends.” Most of you probably remember the song from the show The Wonder Years, which is exactly how I remember the song. I’ve always liked the song but only listened in passing so today I decided to track it down and post it up. It’s one of those songs I love because they make me reminisce about my childhood.
From what my mom says it was my dad’s favourite singer and he had allllll his albums. Take a listen.
So it’s been almost a full year since I’ve posted anything but I’m here today and very excited about that. I wanted to start out with this amazing youtube video I searched high and low for. I first saw this little girl on a commercial and it made me smile at how proud she is of her life. I have something to learn from her! It’s only about 49 seconds but I hope you enjoy it.
I am in most of the places you're willing to look and some of the places you wouldn't expect me to be. If you aren't able to locate me anywhere hit me up here;
