Yesterday I went to my hair dresser after having stayed away from her for almost a year. It wasn’t for any reason in particular but under the support of a good friend I had been going to another salon. I don’t visit the salon often anyway, it’s not a part of my routine so I was really just going for trims and treatments. But yesterday I went back to Faith. That’s the name of my hair dresser and her name isn’t the only reason I believe in her. Before I made my appointment I was debating back and forth as to whether or not I should, but knowing what I wanted to do with my hair I knew she would know me best.

So what have I decided to do to that called for a revisit to my foundation? Texturize. Yea I said it. I decided I wanted to texturize my hair again. As many of you know I used to relax my hair since I was about 12 and it wasn’t until my early to mid twenties I decided to grow it out. I couldn’t remember what my curls felt like so I wanted them back to see what they were like. Needless to say my hair has changed quite a bit since that first grow out. My curls aren’t tight like they used to be all over and for the last year or so I’ve really been trying to do everything I can make the insanely straight parts go curly again. I couldn’t understand why it was so hard because I wasn’t flat ironing my hair excessively nor was I colouring it more than I ever have before. Still for some reason my hair had a complete mind of its own. So much so that I wasn’t wearing it out anymore because the everyday hassle was exhausting. I was tired.

I thought endlessly about texturizing/relaxing it and I always felt this sense of guilt weighing on me. I felt like if I did that I was giving up, I was selling out. I stressed for months and months about what direction to go. I finally decided to let those feelings go and do what’s right for me. I know I’m still the same person and whatever people think about my decision isn’t anything I can control so it won’t make sense for me to take so much energy trying to justify myself. I’ve accepted the fact that my hair is different now for no other reason then it just is and no matter how much I’ve cut it to let it grow back curly it just won’t do that anymore, and I’m done trying to get it to do what I want.

What I’m focusing on now is having healthy hair and I guess that may sound like a contradiction to some because there’s chemicals in it but that’s where I stand. I’m going to work with what I have how I want to, and that’s reason enough.

I’m not going to give the “life is too short” schpeel because that’s not what this is about. For me, this is where I’m at, and I’m happy. In the end that’s all that matters right? Right.

Thanks for listening. Have a great weekend.

Peace.

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