Women have been playing nice for a long time in hopes of keeping the peace but some of us are tired. The truth of the matter is it’s the bad bitches that are always winning anyway and anyone who doesn’t even want to consider this needs to take a second look. I see it all the time and one of the most recent examples to support my opinion is Rihanna. Recently I read an article in Cosmo magazine where she talked about why her attitude changed after the 2009 incident with Chris Brown. She said, “It was a very aggressive and defensive time, and that allowed me to start not giving a shit.”

If you’ve followed her music long enough you would notice the difference between her album Good Girl Gone Bad and Rated R that speaks to her comment above. What seemed like good timing for a follow up album to continue the theme of GGGB was also Rihanna’s way of claiming her life and not remaining victimized. It would have been easy for her to retreat and take on a “softer” way of dealing, but instead she went the opposite way. She created this vibe around her that appeared to say to her audience, “Fuck with me and I’ll cut your heart out.”  She stormed into that “bad bitch” role with ease and a lot of us ate it up because she was okay with that title if it meant she wouldn’t be taken advantage of. While there were many that hated on her for not crying during her interviews or sulking in shame a lot of us listened to that album and embraced her message.

One thing became clear; she was not to be messed with and the huge success following that time showed that attitude worked. Of course she’s not the first woman to give you the impression she’s not a toy to be played with and she definitely won’t be the last. With badass Nicki Minaj on the incline there’s destined to be more women strutting into the no-holds-barred club.

What I’m saying is sometimes you have to be a “bitch” to get things done and I’m guessing most successful women will tell you that too. While it’s a shame that a woman who exhibits the same characteristics as any male wanting to excel gets labelled as a power tripping biatch anyway, it’s that same woman who gets what she wants without having to settle for less. The idea that I will be looked at as a witch rather then a tactful go-getter is a huge double-standard. The best thing I can suggest is to take advantage of that disadvantage.

Women are often viewed as the “smile and nod” secretary (although we’ve made some huge gains in various careers) who only represent the decision makers and the people whose positions hold weight.

This type of view is not just in the career world but in our daily interactions. A good discussion on this began last week at Those Girls Are Wild. One of the co-founders, Shannon Boodram, brought up the issue of how women are supposed know when to be friendly to men and when not to. Some may think women should just be friendly to everyone but the opinions tended to go the other way.

A lot of women who responded agreed their smiles tend to be misinterpreted and taken advantage of. While a lot of us want to be nice to the men who stop to say hi because we’re just nice people, we find ourselves in awkward situations that have us thinking “shit I should have kept walking.” I think it’s safe to say we’d rather not cut our eye and turn away because it’s generally rude, however that attitude can help you to avoid those same awkward situations.

I mean why do I have to be nice to everyone? For the sake of my reputation? For the sake of your ego? Whose life am I here to live, yours or mine? I’m not suggesting we start walking around mean mugging but the women who carry themselves like they’re not here just to make everyone comfortable are the ones who make history.

The Madonnas and Lil Kims of the world have been able to prove that. In my family my mom is one of those women. When she speaks people listen and they don’t take advantage of her gender because she sets the expectation early. Anyone who has ever met her knows they cannot try anything slick because she’s the type of woman who knows the wrong things to say and will say them anyway. That’s not to say she’s cruel or cold hearted but her attitude clearly tells you she means business. What I have noticed is people often respect her a lot more and have a more straight up attitude towards her.

At the end of the day women want to be able to move through life exactly as they are without having to bend and fold as they shift settings. And don’t get me wrong, nice women are awesome but the ones that go the farthest usually put a chip on their shoulder more often then not. Fortunately for them, by the time their no-bullshit presence becomes clear society is usually forced to run with them unless they want to get run over.

I know the days of massaged egos are not over but I can see the shift continuing. Women live a complex life, one filled with tight ropes of varying lengths and tautness. We always have to be able to walk back and forth while making it look easy and without complaint, but again, some of use are tired. I believe we’re not abandoning our coy smile but some of us are saving those looks for special occasions. So since most of us came to win don’t be put off when you see the woman in the powered suit holding all her employees on a tight leash.

I’m sure we don’t run the world yet (sorry Beyonce), but when we do it will be amazing.

Take care and find peace.

Everything & Anything

I learned a good lesson today about sacrifice and I understand now more than ever that it’s never too late to relearn the things you thought you knew. It’s not easy to tell yourself no, to tell yourself you won’t buy something or eat out when the shoes you just passed look so sexy and that chocolate cake is to die for.

Everyday we get the chance to exercise our will power. Everyday we are confronted with what we’re willing to live with and give up. And although it may not be something huge like leasing a car so you won’t have to take the bus, we constantly make decisions that affect our future. While tomorrow is not guaranteed it would truly be foolish to live like you didn’t have to pay for yesterday’s mistakes because whether we like it or not money makes the world go round. I believe love keeps us sane while we’re spinning, but money will determine where you stand and there’s no way to avoid it.

So today I learned how to sacrifice. I learned how to see all the pieces of the puzzle for exactly what they are and decide what I was going to do about it and as sad as I am now I’m proud of what I did today. Surprisingly I’m also relatively happy about moving forward from this point. To say I was jumping for joy would be a lie, but knowing that I made a great decision is what I’ll hold onto.

I don’t know what to tell you to do to make living with your decisions easier, but perhaps knowing there are people around you doing the same helps.

Take care.

Everything & Anything

The conversation went something like this…

Kid (now a high school student): Sir, I want to play in the NBA as a two-guard.

Sir (used to teach and coach the Kid): Most two-guards are 6’4″ and up. You’re too short, plus you’re a little heavyset. You should stick with the point guard position, but sharpen your handle and your shot.

Kid: But the point guard doesn’t get to score as much.

Sir: No, not like the two-guard, but with your height it’s more realistic. If you want to do this you have to work hard though.This summer what are you doing? You need to get up and run every day. Build your strength, and endurance to cut down your size.

…A few weeks pass by and the kid comes back…

Kid: Sir these morning runs are killing me.

Sir: Do you want to be great?

Kid: Yea.

Sir: Well then keep running.

I heard this conversation the other day and although what I typed isn’t word for word it’s pretty close to what was actually said. The question “Sir” asked at the end really struck a cord with me because so often we tell ourselves and each other about the amazing goals we want to achieve and the awesome lives we want to live, but I’ve seen us (you and me) fall short quite a bit. I’ve been wondering if we really know how to get there. While we’re relatively young it’s easy to say “some day,” but as time passes “some day” becomes yesterday and today.

That one question, “Do you want to be great?” is a no-brainer to answer, but the actual attainment of greatness is not always the end result after we reply with a wholehearted yes. Who doesn’t want to be great at whatever they do? Have you ever heard someone say they’re happy and content with being average? If you know someone that thinks like this send them my way because I’d really like to know why.

We all know the saying, “Anything great takes hard work” (again I’m misquoting but you get the gist). It’s one we’ve heard many times, but like many quotes we retweet or put in our facebook statuses can we truly say we’re following it? I know some great people, not just nice, kind and loving, but people who are great at what they do. People who take action and make planned decisions in order to get the result they want. People I admire and look up to because of their discipline and patience.

Everyday society tells us to follow others, to do what others do, to not think for ourselves so we don’t break the mold and often this leads people away from their greatness. It leads us away from fulfilling our plan because we’re busy “keeping up with the Joneses” (they better be millionaires by now wherever they are). We avoid sacrifice and commitment in hopes that “some day” everything will work out anyway.

But in reality how many of us are really taking the right steps to greatness?
What did you do today that was done better than how you did it yesterday?

What I also learned from that conversation is that while dreaming in really important, setting realistic goals and meeting them is what makes your dreams not in vain. Ask yourself that one question as often as possible and follow up with, “What am I doing today to get there?” I think it’ll help to put the ‘yes’ in perspective.

It’s important for us to be honest with ourselves if with no one else. I know there’s areas of my life I’ve half-assed and while it’s not something I’m proud of I’m owning the responsibility. I want to be great. I need to be great. I don’t think I’m here to be any less.

After all, saying is to doing what theory is to practice. So with that being said, be great people and I’ll see you at the top!

Peace.

Everything & Anything